Sans (
ribticklers) wrote2021-05-30 02:49 am
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[If Sans was still split in two, he imagines his negative side would have kept going. He doesn't have to, though. There's something a little odd about being able to be negative but stop himself.]
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[Now that he's mentioned it... He wants to keep talking. There's a floodgate of things to complain about, express fear about, seek - and give! - reassurances about. Too much for any old movie to just cover over. But... but he doesn't want to trample over Sans's hurts, if his brother really can't talk about it right now. Sans didn't even get the comfort of a shower, yet. The least Papyrus can do is throw him a bone.] This is worse than any just Tuesday around here. It's... it's a Threesday, at least.
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I said a lot of dumb stuff when I was split in two. [It's an offer to talk about it, if Papyrus wants to. An awkward offer, because Sans isn't good at this, but still. He'd sort of been planning to anyway, before he made that post.]
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[Hard. Not impossible. Not by a long shot. Emphasized, exaggerated... but all of it based in something true. He has to think it's the same for Sans. But he has to give them both the potential out.]
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Which leads to another situation. A situation on top of situations. Or underneath situations, because this one came before anything that started in San Benedicto. New memories that aren't really new.]
There were a lot of things to get emotional about. More stuff than usual. [That's extremely vague on purpose.]
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...Which really isn't the kind of thought he usually has, or rather isn't the kind of thought he usually stops at. And he doesn't need the ping of the internal model to tell him so. That thought's more helpless than his usual trains of thought, but entirely within the habits that had started forming for his negative self, when he was no longer able to calm down but trying not to veer into anger at anyone. He stares at Sans, sidelong, looking for any hint of that kind of feeling now.]
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I guess we should talk about it or something. [Though the way he says it, it's more like a philosophical point than something he is planning on launching into.]
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Badly. [He adds as an addendum.] Talks about it badly, through us. Or something twisted up like that.
[...Though, given Sans's first reaction on recombining hadn't been a shower, a nap, a snack, or any other kind of relaxing refreshing thing, but... the proactive step of sharing what information he had, with all the others who might think to read it...? Papyrus glances sidelong at Sans's halo, a degree of consideration stronger than his dread about this.]
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...Not really sure where to start, though. [But Sans does, at least, remove the cushion from his face and sit up mostly properly. He's still slouching a little.]
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But there's no waiting until things aren't weird. That probably won't be until we're dead! [He glances off at Dinah's soul, floating silently over the table, then off into the fragmented memories of countless deaths.] Or, I guess, until we're all eaten--! [His voice shuts off with a snap as he closes his mouth hurriedly, wincing a little at the painful abruptness of metal teeth on skeletal teeth, but it's worth it to cut that kind of high-strung sentiment off before he can get too far. It sounded entirely too much like... Well, like him, the way he was getting over the last week or so. Part of how he strives not to be, especially now.]
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[The response.]
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...D-Doesn't even seem worth posting the video. [Even admitting the potential futility of an effort they put time into is rough.] Those kids might, uh... just try to befriend Jonas, without even...
[He shakes his head, deliberately trailing off, and tightens the grip his fingers have on each other.]
No, better to... To not give them any hints how to get down there at all! And, maybe, they'll get... bored of the idea. And do something else. [It's not a very Papyrusy approach. He's self conscious and unhappy about it. If it weren't for the cold shower, he'd already be overheating with the processing strain of everything.]
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If you want, I can try and reset your emotions. Before we talk about this stuff. [It's not exactly a distraction. Maybe a little, but it's a genuine offer. Doesn't seem fair to do this with Papyrus at an emotional deficit if they can fix it.]
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[There's some reflexive boastfulness, some of course the Great Papyrus can handle anything, even partially dulled emotions, to his response. There's an uneasiness, discomfort with losing his emotional balance in the overwhelming rush - not helped with how the last weeks have gone. And...]
...Can you manage happy, right now? [It's a little bit concern for Sans, with everything. A little bit wistful, with how he's struggling for it. A little bit hopeful.]
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I'm not gonna say it's the best time for it, but yeah, probably. I can work off memory. [He'd need some time to rev it up, he thinks, but he has happy memories of Papyrus to work with, and so it doesn't seem completely out of his reach.] It'd probably take longer. We can wait 'til after if you want.
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Yeah, after is very what I want. I still have backups to do, anyway! And I don't need another... [He trails off, hesitating, then sets his jaw as he braces himself. It's easier to take initiative to start the conversation, with his feelings somewhat numbed, and the worry about how it could go less worrying. And yet it's harder to take initiative, to go into any real details, with so much less optimism about how it could go. He summarizes.] ...I don't need another unhappy reset, right now. It's going way slower, we have time.
[And if they don't have time, because everything goes to shit all at once, then everything's gone to shit anyway and a third of his feelings being missing will hardly be the biggest thing on their minds. That's some kind of pessimistic optimism.]
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[Somehow. It's a lot to talk about.]
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Firstly, there's... Well, there's my emotions, and the draining thing... again. There's the splitting in two emotions thing, and how extreme everyone got... [Even the pieces that were broadcast to the network hinted at some big life choices that people will be dealing with ramifications from.] There's... some things, in particular, that various skeletons said. About what we live for, or... or not living, for a while. And there's the terrible choices people are making! Or recently made. [With an effort, he doesn't outright look at the soul floating over the table. Not directly. He just glances, briefly, pointedly, like the hint of attention her way will distract from the question of what Sans lives for or how many times various skeletons remember dying.]
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Well. Pretty safe to say my negative emotions shouldn't get a body all to themselves. [That sounds almost like a joke, though it's not quite. It's just so natural to talk like that, to soften and lighten things. Anyway, he can continue with that.] But not the positive ones either. ...Works better with both, I guess.
[Which is strange to admit, when not that long ago he had wanted to dump his negative emotions entirely. He's changed his mind on that.]
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[His negative self had been awake for a while, he realized over time - each half realized it, separately. But he's only now really putting together what that was. Fear and shame, and none of Papyrus's practiced positivity to push past it, and it left him hiding in the dark.]
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...Fighting was better than apathy. [He says, like he's not letting his own emotions slowly numb out. But even mostly numbed he'd still wanted things and worked towards them, actively going through the motions. The relative passivity of apathy...]
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[Sans hesitates. He knew he would, which is why he started talking anyway. Just something to let Papyrus know he's trying to form words. Words usually come easily to Sans, but that's because he's so good at filling the air with pointless things.]
Before I died. Right before. While I was--you know what I was doing. Anyway. I was really mad. Just--really, really mad. So maybe that's why. Or maybe it has something to do with it, anyway. I don't know. [It's not as if Sans has dealt with that anger. It's not as if it wasn't there before he actually fought the anomaly. It's not like there's not always something there, some sense that everything going on isn't fair. But it's like he said: he's lazy. He can't keep that up. He's tired.]
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Angry with everyone and everything, huh? [Maybe he's reading into that - obviously Sans was mad at the murderous human, in the middle of fighting them. But given how immediately Sans - the unhappy one - had been talking like Papyrus would trip over something and die, the moment he was out of sight and maybe even before then... He half-smiles again, rueful. They hadn't had enough time to talk, in Snowdin. Or, maybe, they'd failed to talk thousands of times. Room to be angry with him for dying, either way.]
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sleep crimes tag
illegal tagging hours
don't know why I'm not asleep, but I'm giving it another shot after this
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raises extra hours of sleep over my head like i'm link legend-of-zelda opening a chest
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stuffs some background headcanon in here it's fine
the magic of threads in journals instead of comms
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ends up just writing the tag
this is the opposite of the thing i requested! but thank you :')
the ultimate power of skeleton emotions
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