Sans (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ribticklers) wrote2021-05-30 02:49 am
ribticklers) wrote2021-05-30 02:49 am
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[Remember that locked SBNet post? The one that went up after the experiments and studies were all called off, the one with summaries of the various findings? Shortly after that goes up, Papyrus texts Sans with a screenshot from that post:]
I'M GOING TO TRY EATING A BATTERY.
2. Some of the affected report dietary changes. Things found to be edible/things that are reported as cravings most often include soft metals, lithium medication and batteries, gasoline, sunlight, electricity, dreams, emotions, rocks, bugs, and, in a minority of cases, human flesh or blood.
I'M GOING TO TRY EATING A BATTERY.
[Here Sans had been hoping that he could stop worrying about what Papyrus was up to after that whole experiment thing wore off.]
right now?
right now?
ANY MINUTE NOW!!!
BECAUSE, WHEN I SAID I WASN'T THINKING OF EATING ONE.
THAT WAS A TOTAL LIE.
AND I'M GOING TO FIND OUT IF THEY'RE SAFE TO EAT.
[If it turns out they're not, well, Sans can try... bringing him to a hospital? Or to Robotnik. Or something. He's thought this plan out enough to give his brother a warning.]
BECAUSE, WHEN I SAID I WASN'T THINKING OF EATING ONE.
THAT WAS A TOTAL LIE.
AND I'M GOING TO FIND OUT IF THEY'RE SAFE TO EAT.
[If it turns out they're not, well, Sans can try... bringing him to a hospital? Or to Robotnik. Or something. He's thought this plan out enough to give his brother a warning.]
[Yeah, Sans thought that was a lie, but he also thought that Papyrus had decided against it after he saw Sans's reaction.]
one more experiment for the month huh?
where are you?
[Sans isn't going to let him swallow a battery when there's not someone around to help him out if his magic reacts badly to it.]
one more experiment for the month huh?
where are you?
[Sans isn't going to let him swallow a battery when there's not someone around to help him out if his magic reacts badly to it.]
[Alas for the sensible thought in this conversation, Papyrus had only decided to hold off on doing so, while self conscious about that reaction. But with science coming back to report it's probably okay, enabling him back into what he wanted to do in the first place...]
YEAH YOU COULD SAY THAT.
AN EXPERIMENT THAT'S COMPLETELY MY IDEA,
SO IT'LL BE FINE!
I'M ALMOST BACK TO THE HOTEL ROOM.
[He's also going to make sure he's not on some random street between here and the hardware store, at least.]
YEAH YOU COULD SAY THAT.
AN EXPERIMENT THAT'S COMPLETELY MY IDEA,
SO IT'LL BE FINE!
I'M ALMOST BACK TO THE HOTEL ROOM.
[He's also going to make sure he's not on some random street between here and the hardware store, at least.]
[Sans knows if Papyrus has set his mind on something there's not a lot he can do about it unless he wants to try physically prying the battery out of Papyrus's hands. Not only is he not strong enough to do that, he knows he's not even going to try it. Maybe Papyrus's insistence on trying this is a sign it's something his new robot half needs, or something.]
ok
[Sans will be waiting in the hotel room. He always has a shortcut, after all.]
ok
[Sans will be waiting in the hotel room. He always has a shortcut, after all.]
[It's only a couple of minutes until Papyrus arrives. Partly because of knowing he only needed to give Sans a few minutes warning, what with shortcuts, and partly because this is impulsive on his part. ]
Hi, Sans! I hope you got yourself something to eat, because, I'm cooking for myself tonight.
[In person, the confident bravado of his texting is only mostly there. There's hints of uncertainty and steeling himself (nyeh heh) for trying something unfamiliar. But he keeps it up, heading to the kitchen table without pausing in his step, a bag of batteries under his arm.]
Hi, Sans! I hope you got yourself something to eat, because, I'm cooking for myself tonight.
[In person, the confident bravado of his texting is only mostly there. There's hints of uncertainty and steeling himself (nyeh heh) for trying something unfamiliar. But he keeps it up, heading to the kitchen table without pausing in his step, a bag of batteries under his arm.]
[Sans follows Papyrus to the kitchen table. His wings look a little frazzled with nerves, but he notices this time--he's used to looking for it by now--and they shift, smoothing themselves back down. He's calm. Chill, even.]
So, you mixing them in a salad, maybe? Using 'em to top a milkshake?
So, you mixing them in a salad, maybe? Using 'em to top a milkshake?
[There's a second's hesitation, as Papyrus takes in those suggestions - and the sight of Sans's feathers smoothing back down. He looks back down, opening the bag to pull out one of those small batteries for watches and things.]
Those are... great suggestions! For following up on. After I test this. Their flavors. For what they'd best fit in.
[Imagine if they tasted like hot dogs and he put them in a milkshake. Awful. It would completely ruin said milkshake, in a way that batteries probably won't. Everyone here is being polite, ignoring the signs of anyone else's nerves. It's fine.]
Those are... great suggestions! For following up on. After I test this. Their flavors. For what they'd best fit in.
[Imagine if they tasted like hot dogs and he put them in a milkshake. Awful. It would completely ruin said milkshake, in a way that batteries probably won't. Everyone here is being polite, ignoring the signs of anyone else's nerves. It's fine.]
If they taste like ketchup, you've gotta tell me. [Sans drinking full bottles of ketchup is mostly a parlor trick, not something he makes a habit of, but it is his favorite condiment. That and if Sans doesn't keep up a stream of stupid jokes about this he is going to be thinking about it seriously again and that's going to ruin his attempts at being relaxed.
Humans have stuff that makes you throw up, right? He's sure he's seen that in movies and stuff. He's not sure how that would work on a skeleton/robot, but he's putting that in the "maybe" category of post-battery-swallowing options.
But maybe everything will be fine.]
Humans have stuff that makes you throw up, right? He's sure he's seen that in movies and stuff. He's not sure how that would work on a skeleton/robot, but he's putting that in the "maybe" category of post-battery-swallowing options.
But maybe everything will be fine.]
I'll tell you, but I bet they won't work the same for you. [Not unless that glow is secretly charged by electricity, and Sans has been snacking on batteries himself this whole time...??? But given how weird and ruffled up he got at the idea of this, it sure doesn't seem that way.
Papyrus takes a minute to stare the battery down, feeling its trickle of a drain through his fingers as he holds it. Slow, boring, and while there's a texture there isn't really a taste. But if he can just eat them...
He brings it up to his remaining jaw, holding it for long enough for whatever remains of his skeletal magic to absorb it. Considers the feeling, the taste.]
...It's like... a pickle?
Papyrus takes a minute to stare the battery down, feeling its trickle of a drain through his fingers as he holds it. Slow, boring, and while there's a texture there isn't really a taste. But if he can just eat them...
He brings it up to his remaining jaw, holding it for long enough for whatever remains of his skeletal magic to absorb it. Considers the feeling, the taste.]
...It's like... a pickle?
Like a pickle? [Sans laughs, not sure what he was expecting. Papyrus obviously isn't having an immediate bad reaction to this, and batteries taste like pickles. Or at least that one did.] So like--sour? I'm guessin' you don't mean crunchy.
[But maybe he does? How do robots with partially magical digestive systems process consumed batteries, and who is he to say crunch isn't involved?]
[But maybe he does? How do robots with partially magical digestive systems process consumed batteries, and who is he to say crunch isn't involved?]
I mean. I swallowed it. [Papyrus gets shifty again for a different reason - he's not in much of a position to go chewing things, these days. His cheekbones quick in a smile anyway.] But yes! It's sour. And shaped like a pickle slice. Ergo.
[More than just the sour, something about it reminds him of vinegar. Is it the battery acid? Is it the metal? He can't tell. But he's not immediately feeling sick, and it felt like food to eat it. He pulls another out of the bag, turning it over contemplatively.]
[More than just the sour, something about it reminds him of vinegar. Is it the battery acid? Is it the metal? He can't tell. But he's not immediately feeling sick, and it felt like food to eat it. He pulls another out of the bag, turning it over contemplatively.]
Guess that experiment stuff was good for something. [Just one thing, which is providing another food source for Papyrus. Still a terrible time, though. And Papyrus could still have a belated bad reaction.]
Naturally, it was my idea. [The reason all those other experiments went awry was because they forgot to ask for his input, clearly.
That said, when he tries putting this one in his mouth, it tastes a little different. Pickle-ish, maybe, but mostly like spicy burning. His eye sockets water as he stands up.]
Hey, I'm getting something to drink! Like water. Did you want any?
That said, when he tries putting this one in his mouth, it tastes a little different. Pickle-ish, maybe, but mostly like spicy burning. His eye sockets water as he stands up.]
Hey, I'm getting something to drink! Like water. Did you want any?
[And now Sans's feathers are all ruffled again.] You okay? [For once, Sans is directly asking, but since it's about Papyrus reacting like he got burned and not about feelings or anything it's not as dramatic as it could be.]
[There's still a little bit of feelings in the situation, since Papyrus's pride is on the line.]
That one just... tasted spicy. So. I'm going to wash it down. [He nods, mostly sincerely, as he wipes his face and turns for the kitchen area. The burning is already fading from his mouth, and it doesn't feel like he's getting sick, but...] And maybe give them time to digest.
That one just... tasted spicy. So. I'm going to wash it down. [He nods, mostly sincerely, as he wipes his face and turns for the kitchen area. The burning is already fading from his mouth, and it doesn't feel like he's getting sick, but...] And maybe give them time to digest.
[A spicy battery. Okay. Sans forces his feathers back down again and follows Papyrus to the kitchen, though he hovers a little ways away so as not to look as much like he's following Papyrus.] Maybe don't eat that brand. [Maybe don't eat batteries. But that ship's kind of sailed. Sans can feel about twice the prickle of emotions as usual and he's not sure why. His wings are kind of in a loop of fluffing up and getting smoothed back down.]
[It's rare enough that Sans gives Papyrus advice of what not to do that neither of them is fooled. He shakes his head, giving his eye sockets one last wipe, and heads for the shelf with the mugs.]
That's not even the spiciest thing I've eaten. It just caught me by surprise. [Come the day he finds spicy pickles in a store, he's going to buy some and very pointedly put them front and center in the fridge, so his brother can have approximately the same experience.
For now, he grabs two mugs - the better for them to pretend Sans is just following for water of his own - and starts filling them up.]
That's not even the spiciest thing I've eaten. It just caught me by surprise. [Come the day he finds spicy pickles in a store, he's going to buy some and very pointedly put them front and center in the fridge, so his brother can have approximately the same experience.
For now, he grabs two mugs - the better for them to pretend Sans is just following for water of his own - and starts filling them up.]
[Sans really doesn't know what his emotions are doing right now. He shakes his head like he's trying to dislodge something, and maybe he does, because he settles back into his usual, not nearly as strong feelings. Of course, he's still pretty concerned about this whole battery experiment, but he knows where that's coming from. He tries to put things on more solid ground:]
Okay, so only eat them when you're trying to spice up your life.
Okay, so only eat them when you're trying to spice up your life.
[He snorts, a sound somewhere between laugh and sight - a gust of air despite the mutual lack of lungs. If Sans is making two puns in a row with the same word, he must be worried. Or distracted.]
Fine, brother. I'll only have them when I need to take charge of my life.
[See, they're both punning now, everything must be fine. He sips his water while the second mug fills, letting the sense of coolness fill the somewhere that food goes. The spicy seems to have just been in his mouth, for some reason. He'll test it further if he doesn't get sick. It still doesn't feel like getting sick. And the other mug fills up, enough for him to turn and offer it to Sans.]
Fine, brother. I'll only have them when I need to take charge of my life.
[See, they're both punning now, everything must be fine. He sips his water while the second mug fills, letting the sense of coolness fill the somewhere that food goes. The spicy seems to have just been in his mouth, for some reason. He'll test it further if he doesn't get sick. It still doesn't feel like getting sick. And the other mug fills up, enough for him to turn and offer it to Sans.]
[Sans's grin widens a little, and he laughs faintly. Papyrus's puns are to be appreciated. Papyrus also doesn't seem like he's feeling worse, and that's helping Sans settle down. He takes the offered mug, since Papyrus went to the trouble of grabbing it for him too.]
Great, water break. You know I'm all about breaks. [He will even drink this water. Not that that's a huge ask.]
Great, water break. You know I'm all about breaks. [He will even drink this water. Not that that's a huge ask.]
Yeah, yeah. [Does he ever. He's completely lost track of how many times he's ended Sans's over-long breaks. And he can take a hint.]
I'll take a break from the pic-- the batteries. [There's still enough skeleton to him for his cheekbones to pinken at the slipped word, but he resolutely sips at his water again rather than address it. Still feeling okay. Like he drained a few batteries and ate something.]
I'll take a break from the pic-- the batteries. [There's still enough skeleton to him for his cheekbones to pinken at the slipped word, but he resolutely sips at his water again rather than address it. Still feeling okay. Like he drained a few batteries and ate something.]
Awesome. [He's a little tempted to make a joke about getting Papyrus to take a nap sooner or later, but that might get Papyrus to keep going immediately. Sans sits down so he can half sprawl on the table and watch this whole battery thing in comfort and stretches his wings forward enough that he can see them.] Being here sure is weird, huh?
[This is the closest Sans has gotten to directly expressing an opinion on everything that's been happening.]
[This is the closest Sans has gotten to directly expressing an opinion on everything that's been happening.]
...It. Sure is.
[Talking about a thing directly is probably easier if they keep it cool, casual, and like they're unaffected. But with his attention torn between his craving for batteries and Sans's wings stretching out like that...]
I know I've been... A little weird. The last few weeks. [And he hesitates, not sure how to talk about it all. What he even wants to bring up from it. Feeling so sure of ideas that he can only recognize parts of, anymore...]
[Talking about a thing directly is probably easier if they keep it cool, casual, and like they're unaffected. But with his attention torn between his craving for batteries and Sans's wings stretching out like that...]
I know I've been... A little weird. The last few weeks. [And he hesitates, not sure how to talk about it all. What he even wants to bring up from it. Feeling so sure of ideas that he can only recognize parts of, anymore...]
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