Mm. [She looks down at her bracer again, still open to show the screen.] Miss Zarves said something like that too.
[Considering her circumstances, Sayori's done pretty well with not thinking about it around other people. But when she's alone, thinking about the remains of her world in the Hunger's insatiable belly, and how unqualified she is to be doing something so serious, it's like a stuffy nose--impossible to ignore when all you want to do is sleep.
She looks up from the wrapper to meet Sans's gaze, unusually serious.] ...you have people from home that you care about, right? People you love?
If you realized one day that you couldn't remember the name of the person you love most... Wouldn't you want to know why?
[Sans suspected it would be an answer sort of like that. Not in the specifics, but one that means they'll be going down this particular rabbit hole.]
Then I guess we're starting with you tellin' me about your world. Not specifics. What kind of places do people live in? Who do they live with? What do kids do? How 'bout adults?
[Despite the heavy tone of the conversation, Sayori cracks a bit of a smile.] Geez, I didn't know there was gonna be a quiz.
But, um, okay... We live in houses? Most of them have two stories. I could probably jump from my house to the house next to mine if I were better at jumping.
People... ["Who do they live with" is a difficult question considering what she talked about with Mista. The shift in her expression as she turns over the question is obvious.] ...people...live with their families. [And then, something she can say with certainty:] I know Natsuki lives with her dad. Kids are raised by their parents...they go to school and stuff. They're kinda supposed to do extracurriculars so they learn how to socialize and don't turn into NEETs. And...adults have jobs and boring stuff.
[Sounds basically like what Sans knows of humans from his world. Good, Sans can work with that. He picks up on the way Sayori's expression shifts as she talks about families and starts there.] What's your family like?
[Sans slots together the logic, which is simple enough.] If it's like your name, it's because you don't have one.
[Is it cruel to just say it? Is it worse not to? Sans doesn't know, but the mathematics is so basic that the path of least resistance is to fill in the best answer.]
Edited (I used simple enough twice that's illegal) 2019-08-16 03:08 (UTC)
[She thinks back to the memories that Mista saw. He was wondering where they were because he never saw them. And no matter how much Sayori tries to remember, she never saw them, either.
The candy transitions from sweet to sour on her tongue.
Her parents. Her teachers. Her classmates...
She wraps her arms around herself with another small crinkle of plastic.] Then all those other people...
[She shakes her head, closing her eyes.] His name's gone too. But I remember him. I've known him as long as I can think of. He--we took care of each other when we were kids. We'd play outside, and I'd do something dumb and get hurt and he'd tell me to be more careful, and...he cooked for me and helped me clean when I--
[She winces a little, still finding it reflex to avoid speaking candidly about her mental health.] Um, when I was tired. He joined the Literature Club because I asked him to.
[So he exists, but without a name? Why doesn't he have a name? Potentially dangerous question--when you start asking why, you might start thinking about something that slots neatly into cause and effect the way a human or a monster thinks of it, instead of the random chaos of the universe.]
It's as if your world only partially exists. [A more serious tone than Sans takes under almost every circumstance.] Have you ever gone to another place? Another town, besides where you live?
[Of course, that's a fun philosophical game, isn't it--if you haven't seen it, can you guarantee it exists at all? Without a way to look into Sayori's world, which if you trust Lucretia is in the stomach of something that might not even be alive in the way they understand it, Sans remains trapped within the small reality Sayori has seen. A reality with chunks missing.
Maybe if Sans hadn't been doing so much research into his own world, drowning in timelines and endless loops, he wouldn't have a suggestion at all. But he does.]
[It's such a ridiculous suggestion that for a moment, Sayori forgets to feel afraid. She looks back to Sans and furrows her eyebrows, her head tilted just slightly in question.] A...simulated world?
Do you mean like the Arena? Or, uh, what Miss Zarves did to the arcade? [Does Sans even know about that...he's been in the infirmary...]
[She unfolds her arms and looks at her hands. Once again, she feels the screaming urge to look away.
She pinches a bit of skin on the back of one hand and twists.] But-- but I'm fleshy, look. [She holds out one hand for Sans to touch, almost insistently.]
I'm talking about your original world, here. [Though Sans can elaborate, a little, and he can do this without touching Sayori like a weirdo.] There's a magical process when people are brought here. You'd have to ask Lucretia about the specifics of that, but we know there are changes when we show up. People who are immortal become mortal, we gain and lose magical abilities... By comparison, creating a body should be simple.
Anyway, we already know they can do that. [Sans raises his regrowing arm.]
Her hand drops. She doesn't have an argument, because he's right about that. They can regenerate whole bodies for people who have died, can't they? All they need is the bracer.
And Miss Zarves...she said it right away.
Coding glitch. Computers. Programs. Learning AI.
Her gaze becomes unfocused as she regards her own hands again, the dark circles under her eyes looking particularly haunted in their weight.] So...
[The rush of anxiety comes quickly--the stomach turning, the racing heart, the cold sweat. She opens her mouth as if to respond but her throat feels like it's shut tight.
Her shoulders shake as she bows her head and hides it against her hands, with her palms pressed to her eyes and her fingers clenched tightly. She takes a short, hitching breath, and then another with what could be a sob hanging onto it.
The following breaths are shaky, but deeper. She forces them into her lungs and out of her mouth again before attempting to speak. Her voice is no steadier than her breathing, but at least she says something.] I think...
I think I should ask Miss Director when she's back.
[Sans thinks that's enough for now. Again, he's not sure how to comfort her. He's the cause of the distress anyway, even if she asked for it. He goes for a lighter tone.] I'll go with you if you want. I know her favorite food.
[She sniffles once, and then scrubs her eyes with her hands before daring to look up. The evidence of tears is still present, but she tried her best.] Really?
Sure. [He thinks Lucretia might go for something softer than the truth if nobody's there to call her out on it. Also, it would provide further insight into the process that brings them here. Also, he probably owes Sayori now, at least a little.] You know she loves it when I visit. [This is not at all true.]
[She blinks, and can't stop a tear from falling from her eye. But a hint of a smile touches the corner of her mouth.] You don't have to if you don't want to. I...
[But, fleeting, the spark of joy disappears as her gaze flickers down to the snack pile, a little ashamed.] I know I already asked you for a lot.
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[Considering her circumstances, Sayori's done pretty well with not thinking about it around other people. But when she's alone, thinking about the remains of her world in the Hunger's insatiable belly, and how unqualified she is to be doing something so serious, it's like a stuffy nose--impossible to ignore when all you want to do is sleep.
She looks up from the wrapper to meet Sans's gaze, unusually serious.] ...you have people from home that you care about, right? People you love?
If you realized one day that you couldn't remember the name of the person you love most... Wouldn't you want to know why?
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Then I guess we're starting with you tellin' me about your world. Not specifics. What kind of places do people live in? Who do they live with? What do kids do? How 'bout adults?
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But, um, okay... We live in houses? Most of them have two stories. I could probably jump from my house to the house next to mine if I were better at jumping.
People... ["Who do they live with" is a difficult question considering what she talked about with Mista. The shift in her expression as she turns over the question is obvious.] ...people...live with their families. [And then, something she can say with certainty:] I know Natsuki lives with her dad. Kids are raised by their parents...they go to school and stuff. They're kinda supposed to do extracurriculars so they learn how to socialize and don't turn into NEETs. And...adults have jobs and boring stuff.
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The only person I can remember from growing up is my best friend.
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[Is it cruel to just say it? Is it worse not to? Sans doesn't know, but the mathematics is so basic that the path of least resistance is to fill in the best answer.]
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The candy transitions from sweet to sour on her tongue.
Her parents. Her teachers. Her classmates...
She wraps her arms around herself with another small crinkle of plastic.] Then all those other people...
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But her disposition being what it is, it's even stranger that she tries and tries, and...] There's... there's Monika, Yuri, Natsuki...
[A heavy pause.] ...my best friend...
[She trails off. She can't think of any other names.]
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[She winces a little, still finding it reflex to avoid speaking candidly about her mental health.] Um, when I was tired. He joined the Literature Club because I asked him to.
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It's as if your world only partially exists. [A more serious tone than Sans takes under almost every circumstance.] Have you ever gone to another place? Another town, besides where you live?
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Again, she shakes her head in the negative.] Nowhere besides here.
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Maybe if Sans hadn't been doing so much research into his own world, drowning in timelines and endless loops, he wouldn't have a suggestion at all. But he does.]
A simulated world.
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Do you mean like the Arena? Or, uh, what Miss Zarves did to the arcade? [Does Sans even know about that...he's been in the infirmary...]
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[She unfolds her arms and looks at her hands. Once again, she feels the screaming urge to look away.
She pinches a bit of skin on the back of one hand and twists.] But-- but I'm fleshy, look. [She holds out one hand for Sans to touch, almost insistently.]
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Anyway, we already know they can do that. [Sans raises his regrowing arm.]
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[But.
Her hand drops. She doesn't have an argument, because he's right about that. They can regenerate whole bodies for people who have died, can't they? All they need is the bracer.
And Miss Zarves...she said it right away.
Coding glitch. Computers. Programs. Learning AI.
Her gaze becomes unfocused as she regards her own hands again, the dark circles under her eyes looking particularly haunted in their weight.] So...
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Her shoulders shake as she bows her head and hides it against her hands, with her palms pressed to her eyes and her fingers clenched tightly. She takes a short, hitching breath, and then another with what could be a sob hanging onto it.
The following breaths are shaky, but deeper. She forces them into her lungs and out of her mouth again before attempting to speak. Her voice is no steadier than her breathing, but at least she says something.] I think...
I think I should ask Miss Director when she's back.
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[But, fleeting, the spark of joy disappears as her gaze flickers down to the snack pile, a little ashamed.] I know I already asked you for a lot.
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