[She shakes her head, closing her eyes.] His name's gone too. But I remember him. I've known him as long as I can think of. He--we took care of each other when we were kids. We'd play outside, and I'd do something dumb and get hurt and he'd tell me to be more careful, and...he cooked for me and helped me clean when I--
[She winces a little, still finding it reflex to avoid speaking candidly about her mental health.] Um, when I was tired. He joined the Literature Club because I asked him to.
[So he exists, but without a name? Why doesn't he have a name? Potentially dangerous question--when you start asking why, you might start thinking about something that slots neatly into cause and effect the way a human or a monster thinks of it, instead of the random chaos of the universe.]
It's as if your world only partially exists. [A more serious tone than Sans takes under almost every circumstance.] Have you ever gone to another place? Another town, besides where you live?
[Of course, that's a fun philosophical game, isn't it--if you haven't seen it, can you guarantee it exists at all? Without a way to look into Sayori's world, which if you trust Lucretia is in the stomach of something that might not even be alive in the way they understand it, Sans remains trapped within the small reality Sayori has seen. A reality with chunks missing.
Maybe if Sans hadn't been doing so much research into his own world, drowning in timelines and endless loops, he wouldn't have a suggestion at all. But he does.]
[It's such a ridiculous suggestion that for a moment, Sayori forgets to feel afraid. She looks back to Sans and furrows her eyebrows, her head tilted just slightly in question.] A...simulated world?
Do you mean like the Arena? Or, uh, what Miss Zarves did to the arcade? [Does Sans even know about that...he's been in the infirmary...]
[She unfolds her arms and looks at her hands. Once again, she feels the screaming urge to look away.
She pinches a bit of skin on the back of one hand and twists.] But-- but I'm fleshy, look. [She holds out one hand for Sans to touch, almost insistently.]
I'm talking about your original world, here. [Though Sans can elaborate, a little, and he can do this without touching Sayori like a weirdo.] There's a magical process when people are brought here. You'd have to ask Lucretia about the specifics of that, but we know there are changes when we show up. People who are immortal become mortal, we gain and lose magical abilities... By comparison, creating a body should be simple.
Anyway, we already know they can do that. [Sans raises his regrowing arm.]
Her hand drops. She doesn't have an argument, because he's right about that. They can regenerate whole bodies for people who have died, can't they? All they need is the bracer.
And Miss Zarves...she said it right away.
Coding glitch. Computers. Programs. Learning AI.
Her gaze becomes unfocused as she regards her own hands again, the dark circles under her eyes looking particularly haunted in their weight.] So...
[The rush of anxiety comes quickly--the stomach turning, the racing heart, the cold sweat. She opens her mouth as if to respond but her throat feels like it's shut tight.
Her shoulders shake as she bows her head and hides it against her hands, with her palms pressed to her eyes and her fingers clenched tightly. She takes a short, hitching breath, and then another with what could be a sob hanging onto it.
The following breaths are shaky, but deeper. She forces them into her lungs and out of her mouth again before attempting to speak. Her voice is no steadier than her breathing, but at least she says something.] I think...
I think I should ask Miss Director when she's back.
[Sans thinks that's enough for now. Again, he's not sure how to comfort her. He's the cause of the distress anyway, even if she asked for it. He goes for a lighter tone.] I'll go with you if you want. I know her favorite food.
[She sniffles once, and then scrubs her eyes with her hands before daring to look up. The evidence of tears is still present, but she tried her best.] Really?
Sure. [He thinks Lucretia might go for something softer than the truth if nobody's there to call her out on it. Also, it would provide further insight into the process that brings them here. Also, he probably owes Sayori now, at least a little.] You know she loves it when I visit. [This is not at all true.]
[She blinks, and can't stop a tear from falling from her eye. But a hint of a smile touches the corner of her mouth.] You don't have to if you don't want to. I...
[But, fleeting, the spark of joy disappears as her gaze flickers down to the snack pile, a little ashamed.] I know I already asked you for a lot.
[She wipes her face again and the smile returns, brittle but genuine.] Thanks. Um, for talking to me, too. I just...
[Lucretia isn't here. Leon and Lucas didn't know anything. Miss Zarves gave her a lot to go off, but wouldn't tell her any more than that. Wash never saw her jellyfish. Neither did Michael, and he's never been human. And the idea of asking the others her own age--other kids, who were just as disturbed by Sayori's memories as she was--felt too awful to consider.]
[Honestly, he could be the reclaimer with the most knowledge of this sort of thing, not that he'll ever admit it. Sans doesn't know how to feel about being relied on like that, except that he doesn't think he's particularly reliable.]
Well, I ain't goin' anywhere for a little while longer. [Wink.]
[She feels so tired--like someone's hollowed her out with an ice cream scoop. This was an impossibly difficult conversation, and she's going to have to have it all over again with Lucretia. The bags under her eyes have gotten puffy from being agitated, and her head hurts, and she still feels vaguely sick to her stomach. Really, she kind of just wants to lay down and sleep for three days. There's not much more she can do about it now.
So she does what she does best; pulls a bottle down off her shelf and cracks a joke for Sans's sake.] Yeah, you look like you're stuck in that bed for a while, ehehe.
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But her disposition being what it is, it's even stranger that she tries and tries, and...] There's... there's Monika, Yuri, Natsuki...
[A heavy pause.] ...my best friend...
[She trails off. She can't think of any other names.]
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[She winces a little, still finding it reflex to avoid speaking candidly about her mental health.] Um, when I was tired. He joined the Literature Club because I asked him to.
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It's as if your world only partially exists. [A more serious tone than Sans takes under almost every circumstance.] Have you ever gone to another place? Another town, besides where you live?
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Again, she shakes her head in the negative.] Nowhere besides here.
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Maybe if Sans hadn't been doing so much research into his own world, drowning in timelines and endless loops, he wouldn't have a suggestion at all. But he does.]
A simulated world.
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Do you mean like the Arena? Or, uh, what Miss Zarves did to the arcade? [Does Sans even know about that...he's been in the infirmary...]
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[She unfolds her arms and looks at her hands. Once again, she feels the screaming urge to look away.
She pinches a bit of skin on the back of one hand and twists.] But-- but I'm fleshy, look. [She holds out one hand for Sans to touch, almost insistently.]
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Anyway, we already know they can do that. [Sans raises his regrowing arm.]
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[But.
Her hand drops. She doesn't have an argument, because he's right about that. They can regenerate whole bodies for people who have died, can't they? All they need is the bracer.
And Miss Zarves...she said it right away.
Coding glitch. Computers. Programs. Learning AI.
Her gaze becomes unfocused as she regards her own hands again, the dark circles under her eyes looking particularly haunted in their weight.] So...
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Her shoulders shake as she bows her head and hides it against her hands, with her palms pressed to her eyes and her fingers clenched tightly. She takes a short, hitching breath, and then another with what could be a sob hanging onto it.
The following breaths are shaky, but deeper. She forces them into her lungs and out of her mouth again before attempting to speak. Her voice is no steadier than her breathing, but at least she says something.] I think...
I think I should ask Miss Director when she's back.
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[But, fleeting, the spark of joy disappears as her gaze flickers down to the snack pile, a little ashamed.] I know I already asked you for a lot.
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[Lucretia isn't here. Leon and Lucas didn't know anything. Miss Zarves gave her a lot to go off, but wouldn't tell her any more than that. Wash never saw her jellyfish. Neither did Michael, and he's never been human. And the idea of asking the others her own age--other kids, who were just as disturbed by Sayori's memories as she was--felt too awful to consider.]
...didn't really know who else to ask.
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Well, I ain't goin' anywhere for a little while longer. [Wink.]
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So she does what she does best; pulls a bottle down off her shelf and cracks a joke for Sans's sake.] Yeah, you look like you're stuck in that bed for a while, ehehe.